Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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