Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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