"it" just moved
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
