had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
