You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
