porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
