went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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