Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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