At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
