she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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