the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
