She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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