I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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