I'm eating all of the evidence.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
