Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
