I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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