the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
