WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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