You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just found a bag of teeth...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
