and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
3pm strippers are depressing
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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