I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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