Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
