I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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