The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
