If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
