i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
