It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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