im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
