When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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