Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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