She is in my trunk
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize