Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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