just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
