I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
