i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
