she looked like the bat from fern gully.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
