Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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