thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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