I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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