She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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