Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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