How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
