it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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