he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
