My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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