She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
