So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
