youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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