We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
