Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
