he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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