Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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