I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
You did what with his pubic hair?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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