cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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