HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
