Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
