I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
