This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
