I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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