Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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