I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
