I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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