yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
