god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
