i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
