One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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