I only kidnapped one of them. chill
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
