i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
