It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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