Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so explain again why im purple
no
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
