dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
