you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
