so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
